It’s busy season at Day Job, and unfortunately that means the more I want to wear sweats and look scrubby, the more I have to look “put-together.” Life is funny like that.
1. Don’t look like shit
2. Don’t take forever
3. Last long enough I can attend those inhumane 4:30 pm Friday meetings (that could have been e-mails)
1. Pat a bit of jojoba or sweet almond oil on my face. I’ve been wearing actual foundation lately — I have to use a sponge and everything — and the one I’m using in particular goes on better with a dewy base like this. I tried it with a “sticky/tacky” oil-control type base and it clung funny and my cream blush/contour/highlight/etc. blended out like shit over top.
2. Undereye concealer just in that innermost hollow near my nose to avoid creasing and future mascara smudging. Brow gel. Try to convince myself to run a pencil through the gaps and asymmetry in my brows. Fail.
3. Pretend I can convince other people into thinking I have bone structure by running a contour stick under where a cheekbone, in theory, would be. Blush as medically necessary to then convince them I am alive. Highlight because I fucking love sparkle.
5.Take a bigass eye crayon or a sparkly eyeshadow and smudge that shit on the lid and take a tiny bit underneath the lower lashline too. If I’m feeling real crazy, I might even take some eyeliner on my waterline before mascara.
6. Now that all the face makeup has settled in as much as it’s gonna, I go in with face-concealer; waiting until the foundation is set keeps me from using too much.
7. Lipstick. Check for it on my teeth. Rub it off. Have lipstick smeared all over my teeth the rest of the day regardless.
Do I look close to a two weeks notice to you?