How Many of These Posts Will I Have to Make?

Hey y’all. So, the Mental and Chronic Illness Fun Train™  has been running me over the past week or so (like, maybe I’m just destined to be stuck under its wheels), so I’ve been absent from life generally, the internet included.

I’ve thought of a few posts I’d like to make, or what post I’d like this to be. I don’t want to bore anyone with life updates every time I have a flare up or a swing and am subsequently MIA, but I can’t help but feel obligated to say something about it. One of my friends from undergrad sent me an article today about “Sick Woman Theory,” so maybe this is just on my mind but there is something, like, masochistic about admitting “I HAVE BEEN SICK, I AM SICK.” Like, it’s hard to say that without feeling like I’m making excuses for not getting my shit done. And then there’s “Well I only have x,y,z. So-and-so has V,W,X,Y AND Z, and they still -”

So it’s a strange cycle, but here we are. In lieu of a book discussion (yes, I swear, the Burning Kingdoms review is on its way), which I don’t think I have the spoons for, I wanted to talk a little bit about my writing because it’s on my mind and driving me up a wall.

I’m working through the second draft of my manuscript and boy-howdy, am I ready to be done with it. I think the biggest issue is I have so much stored in my brain that I want to change, transition/extra scenes I want to write, I have (I feel like) a solid idea of the work I need to complete…but I’m not getting it done fast enough. I want to berate myself every waking minute I’m not working on it, even when I’m doing my actual real-people job or too ill to like, formulate a sentence.

In addition to grammar type sweeps, I’m really trying to focus on 1) characterization and 2) pacing. The best way to fix these is obviously to have beta readers look over it, but I need to be able to finish the damn thing before I send it to anyone.

And y’all, it is long. Why is it so long? Every run on or extra sentence I cut gets replaced by a new plot point. And I think I’m more impatient to be done with it because the past week or so I’ve had two new plot bunnies (that I believe are going to become one book or series) nestle into my brainspace and they are clamoring for attention. (Rude).

I don’t even know if I can set a realistic goal for myself to have this draft finished by; and it almost negates (to me) all the work I’ve done thus far and it’s like, miserable stagnation station over here. Maybe another day I will join the chorus and write about how Mental and Chronic Illness is portrayed in books/media and why I have an issue with it, but for now I’m just kind of wallowing in the wholly un-glamorous, un-romantic realities of being sick.

This was a rambly downer, and I don’t know if I could/should apologize for it. But I am going to try to face mask my problems away until next time. Hope everyone is having a safe week post snowpacolypse2016.



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